As I sat on the slightly damp grass, reading one of my favorite books, I couldn’t help but notice some people looking at me. They were probably wondering why I sat there by myself. It bothered me. Not because they were looking, but because of the reason why they were looking. Because why in the world is it ‘strange’ to be alone?
The reason why I moved to a completely strange city I now call home was because of college, but most importantly because no one here knows my name. I can roam around the streets feeling completely free. I’ve been feeling lost and out of place for a really long time and in this city, where all I have is myself, I’ve finally began to find myself again.
I’ve always known what I want to do with my life. I want to write, inspire, travel the world. But, who am I? I’ve been trying to figure that out on my own for the past few weeks. I’ve been going on little ‘dates’ with myself; going to the movies, going for walks to buy ice cream, reading in the park. As the complicated human beings we are, we feel like we have to do all these things with someone by our side. We feel like we need to be surrounded by people constantly. But I figured there’s no better place to feel lost than somewhere in the middle of a big crowd.
Where did it even come from? Who decided you can’t take yourself on an ice cream or movie date? Who said you’re not allowed to find yourself again on your own? It’s not strange. It’s not awkward. It’s the feeling of freedom. I’ve never felt so free in my entire life. I love my friends and my family, but realizing that there’s no shame in having fun by yourself has made me feel a little less lost.
In the end all you need is yourself. It”s all you.
All my love, Anouk