I’m addicted

Hi there,

It’s been a while, since everything. Writing, photograpy, filming. I put all the things I love on hold, because there were more important things to worry about. Like the fact that I felt like absolute shit. I thought ‘I’ve been here before, I’ll get through this again’. But I couldn’t and it got worse. So, I decided to tell my parents which is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Because telling your parents you’re depressed, when they’ve given you any and every reason to be happy, feels like stabbing them in the back. Thankfully, I have the best mom and dad in the world, so they took it in with nothing but support and love. This conversation took place in april and now it’s august. To be honest with you, I’m still experiencing a lot of sad days. But I’m doing better. One step at a time.

I spent the entire summer thinking, evaluating and wondering. And I realized I’m addicted. I’m addicted to social media and I have been ever since I got into high school. Over the years, I’ve formed such an unhealthy relationship with the way social media makes me feel. I’ve started comparing myself to everyone who seemed to have a better life than me. I started relying on people who would leave once something better came along. And the worst of it all, I missed out on being a teenager. Because balance is something I’ve never really been good at. I completely focused on being online, rather than experiencing actual life offline. And I realize that now when I’m about to turn 20. I’m so behind on everything and everyone, but the way I’d like to see it is that I’m still young. My life starts right now and I will make everything I can out of it. Better late than never, right? So, tonight I did something I should’ve done sooner; I deleted my Twitter account. An account I’ve been on every single day ever since I was 12. And it feels fucking great.

I’m far from happy, but I’m getting there and I will get there. Life’s a gift, ladies and gentlemen. Don’t fucking waste it like I did.

Love, Anouk

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