Wanted: motivation

Hi,

I don’t like school. In fact, I pretty much hate it. This has never had anything to do with the classes, the teachers or the kids in school. To be honest, up until this day I’ve always had it easy. Except for the studying, the grades and the motivation.

When I was in middle school I wanted to be the best in every class. Especially in sixth grade, right before I was going into high school, I felt like I had to prove I was smart enough. This never came from my parents or my teachers. It came from myself. That sixth grade motivation is something I’ve definitely been lacking over the last couple of years. I value education and I find getting a degree extremely important, but say the word ‘study’ and I’ll run away from you as far as possible.

I don’t know where my lack of motivation started. All I know is that it didn’t make things easier. Here I am, one year behind on my friends, because all I did last year was everything but study. And don’t get me wrong; I tried. I would study, finish my papers and do all that jazz just to find myself failing every class. So what was the point in trying anyway? I felt like a failure next to my friends. Maybe I wasn’t meant to be a journalist after all.

But failing doesn’t make you a failure. The thing is, we all do things on our own pace. There’s no such thing as being perfect (except for Beyoncé, she’s allowed to feel and be perfect). I’ve learned to be patient with myself, because I’ve accepted long ago that I’ll never be able to keep up with the rest. And you know what? I don’t have to. We’ve all been put on this world as individuals and we’ll leave as individuals. So, all the negative thoughts have been left somewhere far away in 2017 and it’s time to do me.

Now, I still hate school and I don’t think that’ll change till the day I get to walk out of that building with a journalism degree in my hand. But until that day comes I have to try, get motivated and study. I went on YouTube to find some motivation and girlll you best believe I did. There are some incredible YouTubers out there who make videos all about motivation and being productive. So, this morning I got up at 7.30 am. Yes, I know. Shocker. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the look on my mom’s face when she saw me awake at this time of day. I’m feeling like a whole new person already. I got my breakfast, got my tea and I went upstairs to work on school.

It’s currently 09.15 am and I’m starting to feel a little bit tired, but I’m very content. All the planning for school is done, my blog is done and I’m about to go for a nice morning walk. I know this all sounds a little too good to be true, so you best believe I’ll be passed out on the couch as soon as I come back from that walk. But it’s a start of something new (totally referring to High School Musical here, but without Troy Bolton serenading me) and I’m excited. For the first time in a really long time I’m starting to feel like I’m getting my shit together again and it feels goooood.

Go get your shit together.

All my love,

Anouk

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