So, the sky pretty much sums up my mood today. I started the day of with a solid 40 minute breakdown and now I can’t seem to snap out of it. There’s only one thing left to try; bother you with my problems.
Eating healthy has been going well, I started to get motivated for school and I’ve overall been feeling great. And then one shitty thing happens and I start to question my entire 20 years worth of living. Am I enough for school? For my friends? For my family? For love? For life? For myself? I know I’m an emotional person and that certain situations have a bigger impact on me than they should; but lately it’s been getting worse.
Sometimes, when I’m all up in my feelings, it feels like I was born to be the wrong person. Way to be dramatic, Anouk. And it probably doesn’t make any sense, because we’ve all been put on this wonderful earth for a reason. But no offense to me, but what the f*ck am I doing? I’m bursting with passion and creativity every single day. I know exactly what I want to do with my life, but it almost feels impossible. Whenever I’m so close to reaching it, life’s like ‘Nah girl, stay in your lane’. So I try again. And life’s shitty again. And I try harder. And life’s even shittier. It’s a never ending cycle of unfortunate events.
So, I didn’t go to school today. Instead, my cup has been filled with tea about five times now. I watched a movie about French women during World War II (happy international women’s day) and stuffed my face with nice cream while bawling my eyes out whenever it started to rain. And, as I’m writing this I realize that now, it’s time to pull myself together. I’m going to get ready, put some make up on, work on school, meet up with a friend and end this day less shitty than it started. Or at least I’m gonna try and that’s something I’m already pretty proud of. So let’s have a little dance party to DANCE by DNCE (highly recommend listening to this song when having a shitty day, because I guarantee you; it makes you want to dance around like a five year old). Maybe if I keep fighting for what I want, even after a shitty day, life might be nice to me after all.
Positive diary entry: today was stupid, but I found a way to make it less stupid.
(also, it’d be cool for it to stop raining)
(also also, I’m going to start posting on YouTube again very very soon. So click here to check out my channel and subscribe while you’re at it)
All my love,