Healthy habits

Hi,

This week has been exhausting to say the least. My days were packed with work and school and today is my only day off until I start the same routine tomorrow. Now, I can’t complain, because I work at a job with the most fun colleagues and school only takes up two days of the week. But to create a more peaceful and chill environment for myself I created some healthy habits to make everything a bit easier.

Starting of with my nights. I’m a night owl and I always have been ever since I was little. I would hide somewhere in the living room at night hoping my parents wouldn’t notice I was still there, so that I could stay up longer. I dreaded going to bed, but my parents, who weren’t stupid, would always know I was still there so up to my room I went. When I got old enough to go to bed by myself I wouldn’t go to sleep until I finished reading an entire book. All of this created an unhealthy habit that wouldn’t let me fall asleep before 11. For someone who has to wake up at 7 almost every morning, that doesn’t work anymore. I’ve noticed my body craving more sleep long ago, but I completely ignored it. You know why? Because I was afraid to miss out on things. TV shows, movies, texts, food. But that text will still be there to answer in the morning and there’s this thing called the internet where I can rewatch everything and anything I want. Once that got through to me, I noticed going to bed early got a lot easier. On week days I try to be in bed by 9.30 pm. I’ll usually read a little and then it’s time to go to sleep.For the past few days I’ve found myself waking up before my alarm, feeling awake and refreshed.

Which brings me to my mornings. I still wouldn’t call myself a morning person, but I’m trying to become one. I usually wake up an hour before I have to leave for work or school, because I like taking my time in the morning. I definitely put my priorities on my looks before. Make up, hair and a breakfast that was far from nutritious. So, I decided to switch that around and spend more time on my breakfast. Because why apply highlighter when you can create a natural glow, am I right ladies? A smoothie, a big fruit bowl or some oatmeal with banana slices is usually what I go for. This is definitely a huge factor in me waking up more easily, because I get way too excited to eat. Putting something nutritious in your body will help you get through your morning with a lot more energy and, possibly, a smile on your face. When it comes to my looks, I decided to let my skin breathe a little more. There’s something so freeing about wearing no make up and I quite enjoyed going through life without it. Lastly, I also like to make my bed every morning, just to get everything more organized in my head. I find there’s nothing more stressful than coming home from a long day at work to find your bed being a chaotic mess.

Now, for the rest of my day. I try to get some excercise in every day. On week days this isn’t hard, since I’m always walking around, lifting boxes, cycling to work etc. But on my days off, like today, I like to go for a walk. I put my headphones in and just walk around aimlessly until I find my way back home. I enjoy walking by myself. It gives me some time to think everything through without anyone disturbing me. I bring a filled water bottle with me everywhere I go. This doesn’t mean I drink a lot of water or anything. I just bring it with me, because I like to create the illusion I’m being healthy af. No, but seriously, I’m working on that.

Happiness is in our own hands. If we depend on someone or something else to create it for us, it’s never going to happen. So create your own, baby. Create an environment that’s comfortable for you and you’ll find yourself feeling freed. Every step you take in life you take for you.

Do you.

All my love,

Anouk

Wanted: motivation

Hi,

I don’t like school. In fact, I pretty much hate it. This has never had anything to do with the classes, the teachers or the kids in school. To be honest, up until this day I’ve always had it easy. Except for the studying, the grades and the motivation.

When I was in middle school I wanted to be the best in every class. Especially in sixth grade, right before I was going into high school, I felt like I had to prove I was smart enough. This never came from my parents or my teachers. It came from myself. That sixth grade motivation is something I’ve definitely been lacking over the last couple of years. I value education and I find getting a degree extremely important, but say the word ‘study’ and I’ll run away from you as far as possible.

I don’t know where my lack of motivation started. All I know is that it didn’t make things easier. Here I am, one year behind on my friends, because all I did last year was everything but study. And don’t get me wrong; I tried. I would study, finish my papers and do all that jazz just to find myself failing every class. So what was the point in trying anyway? I felt like a failure next to my friends. Maybe I wasn’t meant to be a journalist after all.

But failing doesn’t make you a failure. The thing is, we all do things on our own pace. There’s no such thing as being perfect (except for Beyoncé, she’s allowed to feel and be perfect). I’ve learned to be patient with myself, because I’ve accepted long ago that I’ll never be able to keep up with the rest. And you know what? I don’t have to. We’ve all been put on this world as individuals and we’ll leave as individuals. So, all the negative thoughts have been left somewhere far away in 2017 and it’s time to do me.

Now, I still hate school and I don’t think that’ll change till the day I get to walk out of that building with a journalism degree in my hand. But until that day comes I have to try, get motivated and study. I went on YouTube to find some motivation and girlll you best believe I did. There are some incredible YouTubers out there who make videos all about motivation and being productive. So, this morning I got up at 7.30 am. Yes, I know. Shocker. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the look on my mom’s face when she saw me awake at this time of day. I’m feeling like a whole new person already. I got my breakfast, got my tea and I went upstairs to work on school.

It’s currently 09.15 am and I’m starting to feel a little bit tired, but I’m very content. All the planning for school is done, my blog is done and I’m about to go for a nice morning walk. I know this all sounds a little too good to be true, so you best believe I’ll be passed out on the couch as soon as I come back from that walk. But it’s a start of something new (totally referring to High School Musical here, but without Troy Bolton serenading me) and I’m excited. For the first time in a really long time I’m starting to feel like I’m getting my shit together again and it feels goooood.

Go get your shit together.

All my love,

Anouk

New surroundings

Hi,

Long time no see. I’m sorry. I don’t really believe in new years’ resolutions, but I’ll make consistent blogging one. Let’s pinky promise on that.

Despite me not believing in new years’ resolutions, I do believe in the new year being a fresh start. I like changing things up a little when the new year comes along. It just always feels like the right time to do it.

I decided to start by throwing my old journal away and creating my own one; I started my very own bullet journal. Bullet journaling has become this hot new thing last year, but I held back from doing it, because let’s be honest, I’m not very good at it. Seeing all these perfectly designed journals with perfect handlettering got me believing it’s something I can’t do. Of course that’s complete bullsh*t. Everyone can do it, including me and you. And let me tell you, it’s so. much. fun. From going on Pinterest to get inspiration to creating something yourself. It has definitely become a new, loved hobby. It gives me the opportunity to be more creative and that’s something to be encouraged. So to everyone in doubt if they can do it, let me show you my perfectly imperfect bullet journal.

Second of all, you might have noticed I changed up my blog a little bit, including the link. Right now you can find me on http://www.anouksuzanne.com which makes me sound so professional, doesn’t it? Investing in your own growth is so important and I’m so glad I decided to invest in this blog. Now I really have to stick to our pinky promise. ”Writing is something that can’t be done on commando”, my friend Sterre said the other day. I want to try and blog every week, but I also want to create quality over quantity, so hold it with the pitchforks if I don’t post every week. I’m just extremely excited for this new era. Since starting this blog in 2014 (!!!!) I’ve always wanted my own link and now, four years later, I finally decided it’s the right time. You can’t see it, but I’m doing a little happy dance right now.

And last but not least, I picked my room to be the next victim. I was planning on moving to Amsterdam in February, but life decided it’s not my time yet, so I’ll be living with my parents for at least another six months. Of course they’re more excited about that than I am, but instead of dwelling on the negative I naturally decided to give my room an entire make over. I said naturally, because I have changed my room an uncountable amount of times already. It’s something I got from my mom. Ever since I can remember she’s been changing the interior of our house on almost a weekly basis. I can’t blame her, because she’s really good it. The only thing I blame her for is passing it on to me.

A painted wall and some decorating later my room is finally finished. I’m someone who gets influenced by surroundings very easily. Before giving my room a make over it was quite chaotic and there was no unity. There was a lot going on on my walls and it was always a mess, which made me feel like a chaotic mess all the time. Right now everything’s a lot more organized and I actually like spending time in my room. So without any further ado, enjoy these pictures of my room. P.S. Shoutout to my parents for being so selfless and spending their entire friday and saturday painting everything.

Here’s to new surroundings, changes and beginnings. I challenge you to do the same.

All my love,

Anouk

Almost 20 and scared 


Twenty years ago my precious mother was about to give birth to a very big, very chubby baby. That baby would be me. September 16, 1997. A day my parents describe as ‘we had a really fun Christmas Eve’. A day I like to describe as ‘half of my friends are born around this time so apparently a lot of parents had a really fun Christmas Eve’. 

I’ve always loved my birthday. I love having my family over, I love throwing a party for my friends (I don’t have that many friends so I prefer calling my parties ‘get-togethers), I may also secretly love getting the gifts I’m receiving. As a kid I would never be able to sleep the night before my birthday. I would think about my parents who’d sing me a happy birthday, with their still sleepy voices, in the morning. My sisters, who were already in the middle of puberty and preferred their sleep over me, would even join them too. I would think about all the kids in my school wishing me a happy birthday. I would think about sharing my birthday with my best friend, who’s probably the only person I would want to share my birthday with. Once I got older my parents’ singing would be received with a pillow in their faces and a very grumpy Anouk. My sisters stopped joining them as well. My best friend and I struggled (and still do) throwing birthday parties together and it turned out we had to share our birthday with two more people in high school. But I don’t mind, that just happens when you get older and less of a morning person. 

The excitement always stayed until this year. I’m turning twenty in two days and I’m terrified. Because let’s face it; I don’t know how to adult. I don’t know how to be a twenty year old. I don’t even have my drivers’ license yet. Why? Because food. I moved back in with my parents, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned about living on my own it’s that I hate living on my own. Or maybe I just hate cooking. And cleaning. And cooking. 

People say your twenties are all about being young and having fun. Almost-twenty year old me would much rather spend a Saturday night at home watching vine compilations. Because did I really build a semi social life in my nineteen years of living just to destroy it as I’m turning twenty? Hell yeah, baby. 

Is there anything positive about turning twenty you ask me? My answer is yes. I get to bully my parents with the fact their kids aren’t teenagers anymore and they’re getting old. Also I’m one year closer to being able to drink beer in America. All is well, all is fun. I’m just excited to put on my multi-colored polkadot dress that makes me look like a giant birthday cake and make boomerangs to show the world I’m twenty, cause apparently everyone has to know. 
I’m one year closer to retirement, baby. Woohoo.
Love, Anouk

I’m addicted

Hi there,

It’s been a while, since everything. Writing, photograpy, filming. I put all the things I love on hold, because there were more important things to worry about. Like the fact that I felt like absolute shit. I thought ‘I’ve been here before, I’ll get through this again’. But I couldn’t and it got worse. So, I decided to tell my parents which is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Because telling your parents you’re depressed, when they’ve given you any and every reason to be happy, feels like stabbing them in the back. Thankfully, I have the best mom and dad in the world, so they took it in with nothing but support and love. This conversation took place in april and now it’s august. To be honest with you, I’m still experiencing a lot of sad days. But I’m doing better. One step at a time.

I spent the entire summer thinking, evaluating and wondering. And I realized I’m addicted. I’m addicted to social media and I have been ever since I got into high school. Over the years, I’ve formed such an unhealthy relationship with the way social media makes me feel. I’ve started comparing myself to everyone who seemed to have a better life than me. I started relying on people who would leave once something better came along. And the worst of it all, I missed out on being a teenager. Because balance is something I’ve never really been good at. I completely focused on being online, rather than experiencing actual life offline. And I realize that now when I’m about to turn 20. I’m so behind on everything and everyone, but the way I’d like to see it is that I’m still young. My life starts right now and I will make everything I can out of it. Better late than never, right? So, tonight I did something I should’ve done sooner; I deleted my Twitter account. An account I’ve been on every single day ever since I was 12. And it feels fucking great.

I’m far from happy, but I’m getting there and I will get there. Life’s a gift, ladies and gentlemen. Don’t fucking waste it like I did.

Love, Anouk

2016

This year left me a different person. I spent the last days of 2015 screaming on the top of my lungs that 2016 would be MY year and I ended up whispering this is definitely not my year. But maybe it was? I spent all year being a party pooper, crying over events and people that ended up shaping me into a person with a better, stronger mindset. This is something I’ve only realized a day ago and there are only 4 more days left of the year. So I better walk walk walk and pose through these last few days, right? That’s why, after having focussed on how horrible this year was, I now want to focus on a few things that made this year not as bad as I thought.

This year started off the worst way I thought I could ever imagine. Seeing someone you care so deeply about drop you like you’ve never been friends breaks your heart in ways a lover can’t. But that person made room for some people who gave me so much joy, happiness and friendship this year. My friends are the lights of my life and I definitely realized that a lot more this year. From birthday video messages to high school musical sleepovers to heartfelt conversations; they have my heart.

Learning has never been my strongest point. The school kind. I value education and becoming a journalist a lot, but I can’t get myself to learn for finals. I can spend hours getting lost in a book, writing or editing a video, but when it comes to studying my mind shuts down. This led to a summer filled with breakdowns and retakes. I continuously called this summer the worst summer ever, feeling less smarter than my friends, because they had all the freedom in the world. But what’s wrong with having a short learning curve? What’s wrong with having to do things over? What’s wrong with learning a little slower? Well, absolutely nothing.

Boys. Where do I even start. This was probably the first year in my life where I put myself out there and let me tell you; boys are a different species. I put myself out there in a way that I valued their opinions more than my own and I don’t know why. I’ve always done so perfectly fine on my own and I still do, so why do I care so much? The amount of times I blurred out ‘Ugh, boys ruin my life’ this year is a number I definitely can’t count on one hand. But was it really their fault? No. Of course, being an asshole isn’t cute and it’s something you can’t justify. But maybe I should be careful putting so much of myself in someone else when I don’t even know who I am and what I want. Another important lesson learned.

I could ramble on and on about this year and the way it changed me, but I probably already lost your attention by now. I don’t even know where I’m trying to go with this mess of words. It’s just that it’s so important to take something positive out of something that hurt you at the time. Maybe you thought about this year with a negative mindset as well, but did it really suck as much as you thought it did?

See you in 2017.

All my love, Anouk

The big 19

19

If I look back at the Anouk from last year, a LOT has changed. The past year has been a whirlwind of emotions. I’ve lost some people in my life and I’ve gained some people in my life. I went from being insecure and shy to, somewhat, confident. I’ve been hurt and I’ve been loved. This has definitely been the year where I’ve grown the most as a person (I’m also talking about my ladies down below who decided to grow two cup sizes). Now that I’m writing this, feeling a little bit hungover from this AMAZING birthday weekend, I’m also feeling so thankful to have the friends and family I have. I’ve been spoiled with so much love in the past few days.

In this upcoming year of being 19, I want to achieve a lot of things; I want to start writing more, travel more, make more videos, VISIT NEW YORK!!, meet new people, get healthier, appreciate the people in my life even more than I do already, drop a fire mixtape, adopt an alpaca, become the president of America. Just simple things, you know? I don’t want to sit on my ass and do nothing. I’ve done that for the past 19 years. It’s about damn time I’m going to start living my little me’s dreams.

That’s the ramble for today. I promise I’ll start writing more.

All my love, Anouk