The big 19

The big 19

19

If I look back at the Anouk from last year, a LOT has changed. The past year has been a whirlwind of emotions. I’ve lost some people in my life and I’ve gained some people in my life. I went from being insecure and shy to, somewhat, confident. I’ve been hurt and I’ve been loved. This has definitely been the year where I’ve grown the most as a person (I’m also talking about my ladies down below who decided to grow two cup sizes). Now that I’m writing this, feeling a little bit hungover from this AMAZING birthday weekend, I’m also feeling so thankful to have the friends and family I have. I’ve been spoiled with so much love in the past few days.

In this upcoming year of being 19, I want to achieve a lot of things; I want to start writing more, travel more, make more videos, VISIT NEW YORK!!, meet new people, get healthier, appreciate the people in my life even more than I do already, drop a fire mixtape, adopt an alpaca, become the president of America. Just simple things, you know? I don’t want to sit on my ass and do nothing. I’ve done that for the past 19 years. It’s about damn time I’m going to start living my little me’s dreams.

That’s the ramble for today. I promise I’ll start writing more.

All my love, Anouk

 

Advertenties
But, who am I?

But, who am I?

As I sat on the slightly damp grass, reading one of my favorite books, I couldn’t help but notice some people looking at me. They were probably wondering why I sat there by myself. It bothered me. Not because they were looking, but because of the reason why they were looking. Because why in the world is it ‘strange’ to be alone?

The reason why I moved to a completely strange city I now call home was because of college, but most importantly because no one here knows my name. I can roam around the streets feeling completely free. I’ve been feeling lost and out of place for a really long time and in this city, where all I have is myself, I’ve finally began to find myself again.

I’ve always known what I want to do with my life. I want to write, inspire, travel the world. But, who am I? I’ve been trying to figure that out on my own for the past few weeks. I’ve been going on little ‘dates’ with myself; going to the movies, going for walks to buy ice cream, reading in the park. As the complicated human beings we are, we feel like we have to do all these things with someone by our side. We feel like we need to be surrounded by people constantly. But I figured there’s no better place to feel lost than somewhere in the middle of a big crowd.

Where did it even come from? Who decided you can’t take yourself on an ice cream or movie date? Who said you’re not allowed to find yourself again on your own? It’s not strange. It’s not awkward. It’s the feeling of freedom. I’ve never felt so free in my entire life. I love my friends and my family, but realizing that there’s no shame in having fun by yourself has made me feel a little less lost.

In the end all you need is yourself. It”s all you.

All my love, Anouk

 

The thing about happiness part II.

The thing about happiness part II.

A few weeks ago the thing I was most scared of happened. I woke up to go to school and I was just too unhappy to get out of bed. I tried to move, but I simply couldn’t. So I didn’t go to school that day. I knew why I felt this unhappy. I think, at that point, I’d known for a while. I just couldn’t admit it to myself. Until that morning when I couldn’t get out of bed.

Social media has always been a huge part of my life. Especially Twitter. It’s been my outlet for everything. All my emotions, happy and sad, I shared with my friends. My friends who live on the other side of this earth. This resulted in me neglecting my ‘actual’ friends + family. I never really thought about it until recently. Whenever I’m with the people I love, I don’t pay attention to them. Instead I pay attention to my phone. Whenever I’m outside and the sunset looks like the prettiest thing my eyes, again, are focussed on my phone. I stopped appreciating the wonders of this earth (because let me tell you; not only nature, but also the people in my life are absolute wonders). So, I deleted all my social media off my phone, finally got myself out of bed, took a shower and went for a walk. It took me only 2,5 weeks to realize those 5 years of feeling so pressured to be online all the time, weren’t necessary at all.

In these past 2,5 weeks I’ve learned to appreciate my time with the people I’m with. My friends and family are such incredible blessings in my life and they don’t deserve being with someone who’s only interested in her phone. And I don’t want them to think I’m only interested in my phone, because that’s far from the truth. I rediscovered my love for reading. I fall asleep with a book in my hand instead of a phone at night. I even started appreciating the rain. I’ve rekindled my dying love for life and I’m feeling so much happier. There’s still so much I need to work on, but the fact that I can put my phone away for hours, if not a whole day, now without wanting to strangle someone gets me so motivated to do better. To do better in loving and appreciating the life I’ve been given. Not the life on my phone, but my actual life. The life I now prefer to live.

This is a personal thing. To others, being on their phone all the time doesn’t make them unhappy and that’s okay. Social media and it’s influence has a different impact on everyone. The same goes for everything else in life. All I’m trying to say to everyone reading this is if you’re feeling unhappy and you know the reason why: FIX IT! Don’t sit and wait around for a miracle to happen. Happiness is a personal struggle and you have to do it yourself. Feeling happy is so important.

You got this.

All my love, Anouk

Concert Diaries: Alessia Cara

Concert Diaries: Alessia Cara

So, this girl. I don’t even know where to start. I’m just so glad me and my friends made the decision to try and stand front row, because holy guacamole.

So, you might know Alessia for her song ‘Here’, which has been playing on the radio continuously (and I don’t mind at all), but after last night she’s so much more than just that song to me. First of all, her voice is INCREDIBLE live. You would think she’s actually lip syncing, because she sounds that good and I’m just so amazed by her talent. Second of all, the way she interacts with us is so special. She isn’t trying to make herself look better than any of us. All she wants to do is make us happy with her music and let me tell you, she got me over the moon happy.

At one point during the show, before she was about to sing ‘Scars To Your Beautiful’, she gave us a speech about feeling beautiful and I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve been to more concerts in my life and I just know when an artist means what they’re saying or not. But this one was different. This speech came from the heart. It was so real.

At the end, she held everyone on the front row’s hand for a few seconds as a thank you and she actually held all our hands so tightly. It was like she tried to say ‘hey, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Please know I really care about you’ and thinking about it makes me tear up a little, because it was like she knew I needed it.

She’s such a little ray of sunshine and you can tell she loves nothing more than making music and sharing it with the world. So, if you get the chance to go see this adorable, talented, STUNNING human being live, please do so.

Also, the supporting act, Craig Stickland is such an incredibly talented man who deserves way much more recognition and love, so subscribe and listen to him here. My personal favorite is ‘Break Every Rule’ and it has been on repeat ever since I woke up this morning.

I’ll never forget this night.

 

 

 

 

How to: rainy days.

How to: rainy days.

It’s been super gloomy and rainy in my country lately and because it’s only reasonable to not leave the house, here are 10 things I love to do on rainy days.

  1. Bake. Anything chocolate will do.
  2. Binch watch your favorite movies while eating those delicious sweets you just baked.
  3. Read a book. If you want a blogpost on my favorite books, let me know.
  4. Built a fort. Cause you’re never too old to do that.
  5. Make yourself a cup of tea and go through photos / videos of your childhood.
  6. Write.
  7. Have a little dress up party with yourself.
  8. While having that dress up party, play your favorite music.
  9. Cuddle your pets.
  10. Take a bath.

I promise I’ll start writing more blogposts again. I truly missed it.

All my love, Anouk.

Starting a YouTube channel.

Starting a YouTube channel.

Yes, after months of telling you guys I wanted to start a YouTube channel, I finally did! I’m still trying to figure it all out, but I love it so far. If you want to subscribe to my channel you can click here.

Of course this also means I got my camera and I’ll be able to shoot more and better pictures for my blog. Enjoy this little selection of pictures I’ve taken over the past two weeks.

Stay beautiful, Anouk

Random thoughts.

Random thoughts.

As I was walking towards the train station by myself, I couldn’t help but think about how much my life has changed in the past month. It was late, I was starving + very stressed, the rain was pouring out of the sky and the wind wasn’t really warm either, but I was happy. Happy to be growing as a person, surrounded by the most supportive people, every single day. Kind of sounds cheesy, doesn’t it? But for real, how did I get so blessed?

But even though I’m happy, I also feel so much pressure all the time. The kind of pressure to have everything together. I keep wanting to know what people think about me and it’s freaking me out. Also, I constantly feel like I’m making the wrong choices. Like I’ll never be good enough. Like this pressure is taking over my life. Wow, I’m a mess. I don’t get it though, because my life couldn’t be more amazing at this point. I have the most supportive family, the loveliest friends and I go to an awesome college. Dear mind, what’s happening to you?

Maybe I’m focussing too much on people I don’t even need to support me. Growing up in a small town, people expect you to follow this path. You go to school, when you’re about 18 years old you’ll find a partner you’ll eventually marry, you get kids and the most important thing is; you stay exactly where you are. Wanna move to the big city? Hell no. You’re 22 and you still don’t have a boyfriend, what’s wrong with you? And I wonder, where did all of this came from? Where did the crazy idea that if someone creates their own path and starts living a life for themselves, it’s immediately seen as weird, come from? It’s so upsetting to see how people are holding back from whatever they’re passionate about, because they’re so focussed on what other people might think of them. I keep finding myself thinking that way. The reason why I haven’t started making YouTube videos ever since I’ve wanted to, is purely because I knew people would start talking about me like they know everything about me. Like I’m that weird kid with a YouTube channel. Now that I’m going to college in a big city, filled with open minded souls, I feel so much more confidence to actually do it. To start making videos. The thought of uploading my first video still terrifies me, but my first camera will be bought very soon and I guess from that moment on, there’s no turning back.

Chin up and create your own path.

Stay beautiful, Anouk